TITLE; Of drama, people and things i do not understand
Thursday, April 26, 2018 | 5:11 PM | 0 commentsI sometimes cannot get it. Like why people react a certain way... like why people choose to do the things they do.. like why do they never think of other people but only themselves... like why they never understand the situation.. like why when you specifically share stuffs with them and told them to keep quiet but then they turn around and their mouths open so easily...
Of course we do things like all of the above; even I do.. But i try to be conscious.. of my choices and decisions and what to say... I know I can't keep quiet on things for long.. But i do select carefully who I spill the beans to.. Mostly only to two people; Fatass and Idiot..
I know, whatever people do or say, it's REALLY none of my business. But somehow i'm always involved in the spinning process of someone's spider web. And it drains my energy.. My colleague once said i put too much feelings into things which is why she was kinda worried about me. But I can't help it. I guess I spent most of my time ignoring things and it has now turned towards the point of WHY.
Why should I ignore it? Why should I keep quiet and let it trample all over me? Why am I the only one being guilt tripped? Why am I the one people expect to just follow suit what they want? Just because I'm nice to you, I'm your close friend. And when I'm not nice to you, I've changed? No one asked themselves why her behavior changed or why she no longer talk but instead "Oh, why are you so emo?"
Excuse me, I'm not emo.. I just have nothing I would like to share with you. And not like my voice is an important one. It's always drowned out by the voice of others so then what's the point of trying to fight to get my voice heard? It's okay. I rather lay low and do my shit.
I'm just so drained. Not just this. Because of other stuffs too. I need a good time off.
TITLE; Of relationships, people and trips
Thursday, April 12, 2018 | 12:10 PM | 0 commentsSoooo.... I went grocery shopping and cooked on a Sunday night.. Sundays are meant for lazing, eating and doing nothing... at least to me it is xD... Sooo it's so rare to see me move on Sundays but I managed to go grocery shopping at 8pm and came back to cook at about 10pm.
Also, I cooked yesterday and the day before too.. Something's wrong with me... Maybe I'm being followed by a cooking ghost. xD lel...
I wrote that ^ two weeks ago? And tended to other things and forgot about that post xD I've been very very forgetful these days. Idiot would totally agree. I even forgot my phone when i went out for dinner.. You know how phones never leave your side in this age & time? I don't think I'm suitable to have kids.. I might just forget about the kid... xD
Neways, I've wanted to write about this a while back.. about how relationships are so fickle these days.. I'm not talking about someone specifically.. Just in general whether if its some famous person / people you know / people you're close to. When you see others together and you feel happy for them and then one day they are holding a different person in their arms and expressing their "new" love and then you take a second look and all sorts of thoughts jumble in your head. ( no? okay maybe it's just me then)
Don't get me wrong.. It's other people's lives and love lives and I don't meddle in any of them because I don't have the time and obviously won't do such things.. I'm writing about this because of the way it makes me feel and the thoughts that come with it. Of course, it is their lives and they choose to live the way they want to and we won't know what exactly they have been through and the decisions they and their partner makes; including publicly announcing/posting it.
I just feel like love is not real.. you know when channing tatum & jenna dewan said they are splitting up? #loveisded ? Yeahh those kinds.. When you see your college peers getting engaged with their "high school sweetheart" and then poof some 345768 years down the road, they are being tagged in someone else's pictures and holding someone else's hand.
As in these people, spend a good amount of time with each other and decided to proceed to the next level in their lives and then they just gone. They are not holding hands anymore, not in each other's pictures anymore, not talking anymore..
I just feel that it's such a waste and makes you question what happened to forever? And then you think what's the point of being together and getting married ? It's just a paper, a phase and then what? You go on that journey again, find another person. Undeniably that is the (for the lack of a better word) trend these days but doesn't it make you sad that you're not with the person you spent most of your "adulting" times with? And they've seen a side of you at your growing stage and they are not anywhere in your life anymore.
But oh wells, who am i to judge or say anything.. It's just my thoughts on this... Just makes me have a little less faith in relationships and people..
Btw, I am embarking on a BIG trip this year so my plans to conquer more destinations/countries will have to be on 2019. #countingdowntoOctober
TITLE; Hello 2018
Tuesday, January 2, 2018 | 11:13 AM | 0 commentsOkay.. Actually I'm not ready at all for 2018. Not.At.Alllllllllllllllllllllllll
Can we go back? I feel more comfortable in 2017. I have not really celebrated Christmas and the Year End holidays. Can you give them back to meeee before you push 2018 into my face. Sigh.. I felt like I was pushed into 2018 without my "luggages" everything is new except it's not so new either..
Neways, let's see where I've been to in 2017 shall we? Can't really remember the things I've "achieved" in 2017 but I'll list down the places I've been to because I feel that it makes me grow every time I'm in someplace new.
- Tokyo, Japan
- Colombo, Sri Lanka
- Seoul, Korea
- Sihanoukville, Cambodia
- Taipei, Taiwan
- Nha Trang, Vietnam
- Luang Prabang, Laos
9 trips. Same amount as last year but different experiences and different purposes. This year was a first for a few destinations. Thanks to work, if not for work, I don't think I'll be in these places so soon.
I'll delve deeper into those trips in the next post. Need some time to dig those pictures out.. And I'm actually at work. Heeeeeee
Please let 2018 be good to me. Lesser drama, lesser stress and lesser stupid people.
Thanks. ( and it's only 11.13AM.. time is awfully slowwwww)
TITLE; Friendship is a piece of crap
Thursday, December 28, 2017 | 2:20 PM | 0 commentsBefore you read any of this, this is just purely thoughts that I have a hard time keeping to myself so i'm spilling it here instead of seeking attention in social media. So, if you wanna judge or comment, go find someone else on the social media platform for that. thanks.
Today I have learned what friendship is.. Nothing but drama and whose side to pick on and it matters a great deal that you need to instastory when you go out.. Because all that effort will go to waste if it is not posted on social media. It is not for the person you are doing it for, it is not the thought that counts, it is not the appreciation they want unless it is posted for the world to see and gratitude expressed with evidence of effort posted all over for the world to see.
I am truly sick and tired of being the middle person.. a position i did not ask for nor wish to be in.. I am utterly disappointed at how things have turned out when all I was trying to do was to prevent and avoid more drama. Whether or not it is the right solution, i do not know.. but it is better than telling the truth or be honest because then that will be something that I cannot take back and it gives people a chance to make things bigger than it seems.
I dont get why when you're trying to be neutral, its even worse.. i dont like picking sides and then talking bad about each person to someone else behind their back... because i believe in karma and i hate someone doing that to me so why would i want to do it to someone else.
All I asked for was a peaceful Christmas... perhaps that's the price I have to pay..
The definition of friendship for each person is different. Some expect you to sacrifice the same that they did for you, some wants you to choose them as default best friend all the time, some feels offended no matter what you say, some needs attention all the time, some just wants to compete with other people, some just need to flaunt to the world what good friends you guys are.
Then after that what? So ppl forget what you do for them when the world isn't looking, people find faults in you all the time, people talk behind your back, people claim to be your friend and do things for you but you HAVE to appreciate them the way they think they should be appreciated.
You can call me bitter and yeah sure why look at the world like this, there are so many nicer people, not all think like this.. Yeah I agree. But then again this is about me and about what i'm going through and what i'd like to rant in here because I can't do this anywhere else.
Sometimes I wonder just why do i need to keep it in? Why when something happens, I need to let it go? Other people can just scream at your face, blame you for it, and just for the sake of not making things worse, people ask you to chill and just ignore, forget about it. WHY? Why should I chill this time? Why can't they chill and take a moment to ponder if the issue is worth the big fuss that they are about to make of it.
Ignorance is bliss and patience is a virtue. But there's also a moment where a person reaches their limit and feel wronged for everything that's happening right? So sometimes I feel that it is so much better to be alone. Because the only drama you get is the one you have with yourself. There's no need to think before you talk, no need to think before you do, don't need to care about another's feelings and no consequences for whatever that you wish to do.
I just want peace. I cannot please everyone and I dont want to. I just do not want to waste time on meaningless happenings like these when there's so much things you can do/learn or just have time for yourself. Can someone just erase my memories and feelings? I'm so tired. My brain is tired.
TITLE; Can I please have a peaceful Christmas?
Thursday, December 21, 2017 | 4:34 PM | 0 commentsAll I want for Christmas is a quiet, peaceful, stress-free time.
TITLE; Time out
Wednesday, July 26, 2017 | 12:32 AM | 0 commentsI need me some music and a break from negativity. My mind seems to be having a marathon spree. Just won't stop "working"... I don't know how to make it stop... It just goes round and round and I'm really tired and fedup.. I need to decide what is crossing the line but too many times I'm stuck at wondering if I'm the problem.. Okay I'm sure I'm not completely "innocent" but I do reciprocate the things people do/ the vibes they give... And I'm stuck... An endless loop of mind running loose.. Can anyone stop this?
I guess everyone has their insecurities and troubles.. But why do I feel like mine is being amplified? It has always been like this since young.. Have I used up all my ignorance quota? Where can I refill? Why do I end up doing this to myself everytime?
So last Friday, Chester Bennington from LP died. Okay I'm not going to dedicate a post to him because I'm not his biggest fan nor do I know all their songs.. It's just sad to hear that someone passed away and hanged themself no less... He reminds me of this primary school friend of mine.. We used to take the bus together and then found out she lived right behind my grandparent's house.. So we were quite close and all.. She used to draw love Garfield and I'd see all her drawings and sometimes get her to draw so that I could see..
She was the one who came to me one day and said she liked another band ( please note that we were in the westlife era and named them our husbands... LOL) and we were like who? Linkin Park? Chester Bennington? I don't know them.. Then I saw them on MTV and I'm like that would never be my genre and they are too rock for my liking... I only heard and remembered crawling.. The rest I probably heard them from time to time but I never took notice of.. So eventually we went to high school and then things happened between the cool kids and the goody two shoes.. So that's the end of our friendship... I don't know what she's doing right now but they were good memories =]
Imma update my happy list here but in points because I already wrote 3 paragraphs.. Did I tell you how hard it is to type with a 'keyboard cover'? lel
19th July Day 4 - I went out on this day too... I probably did some exercise.. lol
20th July Day 5 - Stayed home after work but I forgot what I did.. >< so much for being productive -__-
Weekends ( 21st/22nd/23rd) - Soooo weekends are fun days.. Idiot and I went back to a cafe and reminisce on old days. lol.... I get to satisfy my scone cravings.. Was semangated to go for a run with the bunch of colleagues but then we went there, parked, took picture and bailed.. don't ask me how it happened... ><
24 July Day 6 - I went out for dinner yesterday and had an emotional breakdown in front of idiot yesterday.. lol sooo not that productive
25 July Day 7 - I made soup today though... Bought the ingredients when I was out ytd... Grandma would be so proud of me. I wish you can see this... or taste it...
Sooo that's about it... Till the next round of exhaustion...
TITLE; Day 2 & 3
Tuesday, July 18, 2017 | 11:22 PM | 0 commentsHello, it's me again! So, I'm back with updates on happy project! So, last post was on 13th July, Thursday and that was Day 1. I took a break after that... HAHAHHAHAHAH cos it's the weekend and weekend are happy days. LOOOOOLLL
Neways for Day 2, I rearranged my clothes... I managed to only throw away 3 but stilll better than noneee... and I did save some space and it looks more organized... lol It wasnt much but then I do feel like I did something instead of nothing.. Although I'm not going to complain about doing nothing... heeeeee...
Sooo the rest of the days I took a break because those are happy, carefree days.. We were supposed to stay home and spend less but we ended up in MV and spent close to 1k. lol not me, idiot did.. I saw a pair of flats from Charles & Keith with discount! lol.. While idiot spotted a pair of new NMDs in JD...( that's where most of the 1k went) and then Saturday was spent with me complaining about monthly bloodfall and we went to this quaint little place to try their hoppers, raya open house and bbq for dinner! Sunday was left for grocery shopping and I managed to get idiot to let me eat ice cream. Had a terrible headache in the evening though. Slept for two hrs and went McD drive thru and camped in the car with my sis. Good weekend I guess =]
Then there's Monday.. Not too bad, we went for briyani anddddd watched some videos and headed home cos we needed to cure our Monday blues. And today I cooked pasta because I get to be home by 8! So cooked, washed, packed in within an hour and a half! That's Day 3! =] Imma gonna go exercise abit and work on my anni. project. Not sure if it's the happy project but I do feel like I want to do more than just lazing around. I'm not going to completely turn my turbo mode on and keep finding things to do. But I think this helps.. doing one thing at a time. =]
Kayyy nitey nites for nowwww...