TITLE; Time out
Wednesday, July 26, 2017 | 12:32 AM | 0 commentsI need me some music and a break from negativity. My mind seems to be having a marathon spree. Just won't stop "working"... I don't know how to make it stop... It just goes round and round and I'm really tired and fedup.. I need to decide what is crossing the line but too many times I'm stuck at wondering if I'm the problem.. Okay I'm sure I'm not completely "innocent" but I do reciprocate the things people do/ the vibes they give... And I'm stuck... An endless loop of mind running loose.. Can anyone stop this?
I guess everyone has their insecurities and troubles.. But why do I feel like mine is being amplified? It has always been like this since young.. Have I used up all my ignorance quota? Where can I refill? Why do I end up doing this to myself everytime?
So last Friday, Chester Bennington from LP died. Okay I'm not going to dedicate a post to him because I'm not his biggest fan nor do I know all their songs.. It's just sad to hear that someone passed away and hanged themself no less... He reminds me of this primary school friend of mine.. We used to take the bus together and then found out she lived right behind my grandparent's house.. So we were quite close and all.. She used to draw love Garfield and I'd see all her drawings and sometimes get her to draw so that I could see..
She was the one who came to me one day and said she liked another band ( please note that we were in the westlife era and named them our husbands... LOL) and we were like who? Linkin Park? Chester Bennington? I don't know them.. Then I saw them on MTV and I'm like that would never be my genre and they are too rock for my liking... I only heard and remembered crawling.. The rest I probably heard them from time to time but I never took notice of.. So eventually we went to high school and then things happened between the cool kids and the goody two shoes.. So that's the end of our friendship... I don't know what she's doing right now but they were good memories =]
Imma update my happy list here but in points because I already wrote 3 paragraphs.. Did I tell you how hard it is to type with a 'keyboard cover'? lel
19th July Day 4 - I went out on this day too... I probably did some exercise.. lol
20th July Day 5 - Stayed home after work but I forgot what I did.. >< so much for being productive -__-
Weekends ( 21st/22nd/23rd) - Soooo weekends are fun days.. Idiot and I went back to a cafe and reminisce on old days. lol.... I get to satisfy my scone cravings.. Was semangated to go for a run with the bunch of colleagues but then we went there, parked, took picture and bailed.. don't ask me how it happened... ><
24 July Day 6 - I went out for dinner yesterday and had an emotional breakdown in front of idiot yesterday.. lol sooo not that productive
25 July Day 7 - I made soup today though... Bought the ingredients when I was out ytd... Grandma would be so proud of me. I wish you can see this... or taste it...
Sooo that's about it... Till the next round of exhaustion...
TITLE; Day 2 & 3
Tuesday, July 18, 2017 | 11:22 PM | 0 commentsHello, it's me again! So, I'm back with updates on happy project! So, last post was on 13th July, Thursday and that was Day 1. I took a break after that... HAHAHHAHAHAH cos it's the weekend and weekend are happy days. LOOOOOLLL
Neways for Day 2, I rearranged my clothes... I managed to only throw away 3 but stilll better than noneee... and I did save some space and it looks more organized... lol It wasnt much but then I do feel like I did something instead of nothing.. Although I'm not going to complain about doing nothing... heeeeee...
Sooo the rest of the days I took a break because those are happy, carefree days.. We were supposed to stay home and spend less but we ended up in MV and spent close to 1k. lol not me, idiot did.. I saw a pair of flats from Charles & Keith with discount! lol.. While idiot spotted a pair of new NMDs in JD...( that's where most of the 1k went) and then Saturday was spent with me complaining about monthly bloodfall and we went to this quaint little place to try their hoppers, raya open house and bbq for dinner! Sunday was left for grocery shopping and I managed to get idiot to let me eat ice cream. Had a terrible headache in the evening though. Slept for two hrs and went McD drive thru and camped in the car with my sis. Good weekend I guess =]
Then there's Monday.. Not too bad, we went for briyani anddddd watched some videos and headed home cos we needed to cure our Monday blues. And today I cooked pasta because I get to be home by 8! So cooked, washed, packed in within an hour and a half! That's Day 3! =] Imma gonna go exercise abit and work on my anni. project. Not sure if it's the happy project but I do feel like I want to do more than just lazing around. I'm not going to completely turn my turbo mode on and keep finding things to do. But I think this helps.. doing one thing at a time. =]
Kayyy nitey nites for nowwww...
TITLE; Happy List - Day 1
Thursday, July 13, 2017 | 5:53 PM | 0 commentsRemember ytd's post about feeling empty and searching for happiness? So I saved this pin and haven't got to reading the whole post yet.. But Imma gonna adapt some of those and do something each day to get back on "track". And I do hope it helps because I don't know what's wrong with me and what to do to fix it.
So Day 1's task is watching a movie. I went out and watched Spidey with idiot yesterday. Not a bad one after all those countless versions of Spiderman. But this one impressive but unimpressive. Impressive because it's different and it's the suit that helps him. -Take a break- Talking about that suit, effing amazingggggggggggggg with the different version of webs and improvisation. -okay back to topic- but at the same time I was expecting the typical getting his suit back and saving the world. Thats the unimpressive part, how can you fight without your suit and then don't die? I know cause he's spiderman but he's not superhero, hero yet lol...
And also, something happened before our movie yesterday. My slipper broke and somehow it's like test of idiot's love for me. He ran two floors down to get me a pair of new slippers from cotton on. With my broken slipper. hahhahahahaha... Love you okayy and thanks for saving me in my times of need. xD See I gave you a paragraph on my post. #loveisnotdead #faithrestored #happytohaveyou
Soooo that's for Day 1. And period came and woke me up because I wasn't prepared for it and it stained my "stuffs" so I woke up early and get ready for work and go back to bed and nap for 20 mins before its time to leave the house. xD Liddat also can right.. yeahhh makes me feel like I still have time to nap before work and feel happier xD
Also, I got a free cake from a boss from another department. We were at airport for lunch and dropped by Starbucks, so someone's leaving so the boss did a tour around the airport and their second last stop was Starbucks and we were there and he said go ahead and order. We were like, okayy thanks boss? So i got a cake butttt the cake sucks.. Wasted that boss's money. Do not buy cake from Starbucks when you're airport okay!
Kayyyy that's all for today.
TITLE; Happy Lists?
Wednesday, July 12, 2017 | 5:30 PM | 0 commentsI have decided to be happy. LOL. This sounds very sad.. Neways what I meant was that I realized I feel empty when I'm home on weekdays after work. So what lead to this was, ever since idiot came around, half the time we're out on weekdays for dinner and by the time i'm home, its time to hit the bed (because i'm a very sleepy person). Or at least I feel that half the time I was out ( for the past year); if not with idiot then the occasional meet ups with friends and stuffs.
So recently I have some time on my hands during weekdays because we both felt like we need to rest early so we just text or video call from home. I used to complain about not having enough time on weekdays because our journey from office to home itself takes about 1 hr and 15 mins and we don't leave 6 sharp. I would say I'm very happy when I get to see my bed at 8pm.
So, the main point is, for the past week, I find myself looking for things to do. So it has been bugging me like didn't I say I have a lot of things to do when I get home? But what are those things again? But then I'm too tired for stuffs like laundry or cleaning or cooking. So I spent most of my time lazing in bed looking at crap stuffs and then finally pick myself up from bed and shower. And then in bed again till bed time. Then again I tried to remember what I do when I come home on weekdays before idiot? I don't remember. Maybe drama? But starting a drama is a commitment I do not want to have right now. I will sleep late and then get distracted during working hours.. LOL
Sooooo what other stuffs then? And then also the quarter life crisis that's bothering me. At that junction where you don't know where to go or what to do or what defines you or what happens next. In short, mind's a mess and feeling restless. So I stumbled on a list of things to do to that will "supposedly" make you feel better and maybe with that I'll slowly be more organized and hopefully not feeling restless anymore. So tonight's first task is to go out for a movie. xD
Okay, that's because we wanted to watch Spidey since last week LOL but the list did say to go out.. So i guess I'll swap some of the days.. xD Let me share the list later.. But for now, Imma going to try and start this Happy List "thingy".
TITLE; Of ANGER x 3
Wednesday, July 5, 2017 | 11:09 PM | 0 comments
ANGER IS ALL THAT I HAVE LEFT NOW!
PS: Angry meme searching makes you feel better.. BUT I AM STILL ANGRY!!
TITLE; What do you want from me?
Monday, June 5, 2017 | 11:33 PM | 0 commentsOkay, so what do you do when you're just minding your own business and doing your own things and then you suddenly feel weird vibes from this person.. Well you shrug it off, go about your daily routines and then it comes again; that vibe... And again; the same cycle, the same feeling, until it bugs you.. and you feel agitated because of it...
What do you then.. So many times, on the tip of my mouth I would want to bring it up..
"Is there something wrong?"
" Have I done something to you?"
" You need attention from me?"
" You feel threatened?"
And sooo many other questions.. But all you can do is express anger and close in on yourself because you do not want to lose it and be the one making a scene out of "nothing"... PFFFTTT yeah right sure nothing.. But go ahead, let's pretend it's nothing and we continue this vicious cycle.. Because it happens like people needing breakfast to survive -____-
That's why sometimes I am socially incapable... Like I become close to you, and then they just either step all over you or try to overtake you because you try to be nice to them when you can... They only sound out on things you do to them, but never the things they do to you.. Like even walking in a group, they need to be in the middle... If not, they'd try to stick in and hit you because they try to keep in pace while you're walking in that pace.. Like you know when you're driving and it's damn well your lane and you're just a few inches away from the car in front and yet they want to turn into your lane WITHOUT SIGNAL!
God! I'm angry.. that I sometimes rather be alone because I feel nothing.. I feel myself and stress-free...
Sigh.. please give me higher tolerance or get them away from me... When I burst, don't ask me why I changed.
TITLE; I feel like a digestive biscuit!
Wednesday, May 31, 2017 | 5:24 PM | 0 commentsWritten on w/c 22nd May ( its because i forgot which date i wrote this on.. left it in draft and ter-click edit before i could see the date... #signsofstupidness)
When logic makes no sense and you're tired of everything. I just want to get away. I just came back from a trip? Yeahh.. but I didnt get to relax.. I still came back unfulfilled, not energized nor refreshed. Have you ever felt so tired of people and work that you really just cannot face the world? Like i had enough of this shit already. If you don't want to listen, fineeee.. go ahead, do whatever you want, just don't come to me. I do not have the time and energy for you anymore.
May 31st 2017; 4:59PM....
I am here on this platform and not doing work because I lost to my EQ. I realized my ignorance level has reached the lowest point and I get agitated and annoyed at a lot of things.. Like pms at its maximum.. Yeah sure, girls use period as an excuse for everything.. not denying that but then I am trying to "measure" the feeling that I'm having right now... not that period isn't coming soon.. lol i knoww... I'm making rounds on the things I want to say..
There have been many distractions and things happening these days that I somehow am unconsciously affected by it.. like news of people/acquaintances, like work problems/stress, like people's behaviors & vibes, and alot more which I probably dont notice but it's affecting.. I understand the work stress and all but some I could have easily disregard affects me somehow.. ( that was last time).. nowww i'm absorbing those and it's not pleasant...
I tried doing productive things and non productive things.. ( at least productive in my opinion) like cleaning up or organizing or managing expenses, splurging on something i like or spending on food.. It helps but then it happens again.. I'm wondering if this is normal as you grow.. As in OLD LIAOOOO that's why not so ignorant anymore and have a lot more worries and is compassionate towards others.. HAHAHHAHAHA laugh lahhhh even i think what i said is funny..
Firstly, I think work is bearable except for a certain portion that has to do with $$ but oh well.. Then there are people who gets to you because you somehow can FEEL and have vibes when they see you as competition ( personally & also non- personally) and then there are sad news and personal well-being to take care of..
Okay I guess that's all I wanted to say.. Like I dont know.. so much stuff on my mind and I hate my work area.. its getting loud and overly open and noisy that I can't think straight.. I need to get my shit together..
PS : In case anyone's wondering about my post's title, you know how digestive biscuits have crumbs all over the place when you open the packaging? Or worse still those covered in chocolate? It gets all over the place.. That's how i feel now.. ALL.OVER.THE.PLACE